Neural Atrophy

These attack times, sometimes called "pushes," continued intermittently throughout my entire time in the group.

We never actually habituated to these times, as the attack periods would only last a number of weeks, followed by a break of several months. Then the next one would come upon us as suddenly as the last, throwing us into another high-tension mode of operation, and providing a strong distraction from thought, inflating our sense self-importance, and bringing in extra funds for the cult.

Living with the stress and anxiety of cult life had an effect on my brain. Prolonged stress produces neural atrophy and suppresses neurogenesis - the birth of new brain cells. Chronic subordination also causes a decrease in neurogenesis. Or, put more simply, being in a situation where one has to constantly submit to someone else causes one's brain to stop producing new cells as it should. As I continued in the cult, I was gradually getting dumber and dumber.

Meanwhile, my frontal lobe was still no where near completely developed. I was missing the integral feature that was needed to discern good and bad choices and foresee long-term consequences. 

Now that I was on the far-side of the globe, I continued to be absorbed deeper into the group and further from any friends or family who could possibly rescue me. Not that I would have listened.